Guest Post: Struggle

Calvin & Jennifer Engagement Shoot-88

Our first guest poster is Jennifer.  MRP readers have already met her and read her engagement story here – and guess what, today is her wedding!  Here is what she sent me earlier this week to post and I pray that you are blessed by it!  Let’s lift her up in prayer as she embarks on a new adventure with Calvin!  Congratulations to you both!

I wrote this 4 years ago when I was deeply single.  No prospects were on the horizon or had really ever been. That year, I was a bridesmaid in a wedding and a guest at three others. I attended each with a bittersweet glaze on my tongue.  Joyful for my friends’ happiness but pained by my own unanswered prayer, I’d pour out my heart to God. I wondered why I wasn’t afforded the ease of marrying my longtime high school boyfriend. Or why had I not been discovered by the plethora of men on my college campus? Why had love come so easily to those around me yet I was the one who had to endure?

It didn’t seem fair. It didn’t seem right. But it was all for my good and His glory.

This Sunday, I will marry the love of my life, Calvin. Our meeting and relationship is the diamond God created after many calendar squares of discomfort.  

Your prayers are not unheard and your struggle is not meaningless. It will truly all be worth it.
I had envied Tabitha.

Her father was a prosperous businessman.

Her yearly tuition was paid in full. She had a brand new car and a posh off campus apartment.

Her hair was always sleek and freshly styled. Money was at her disposal to shop extravagantly.

Her life was sinuous. Uncomplicated. Easy.

Easy is beautiful.

But struggle is not.

My parents were working hard just to make my semester payments. I never grew used to haggling with university officials when it came to extending my due dates.

My campus job paid me just enough to pay my cell phone bill. Worry routinely sang me to sleep and hummed me awake.

I’d look at Tabitha and wish I had her peace of mind.

Her lack of stressors.

Her freedom from struggle.

I wonder if Hannah felt the same way.

In the book of 1 Samuel, Hannah was married to a man named Elkanah. Elkanah also had another wife named Peninnah.

While Peninnah was able to have children, Hannah was barren.

I’m sure it stung.

Watching her husband exclaim with joy because his other wife just gave him another child.

Hearing toddlers coo “Mommy?” and know that she couldn’t reply, “Yes?”

Smoothing her hand over her stomach, thinking it will never grow full and round with a baby.

It is said that Peninnah had up to 10 children.

So while Peninnah’s body was easily fertile, Hannah’s body struggled.

Easy is beautiful.

But struggle is not.

It is gritty and it is raw.

Hannah’s struggle drove her to the house of God where her raw hurt spilled into His lap.

Mucus oozed down her lips. Tears slid down her cheeks. The fluids mixed into each other on her face, creating a slippery concoction.

Her agony was so monstrous that her prayer wasn’t audible to human ears. She asked, with moving lips and no sound, for the Lord to end her sorrow and answer her prayer for a son.

And in due time…He did.

She gave birth to Samuel, a boy who became one of Israel’s most faithful prophets.

And in the years after Samuel, she had five additional children.

When we struggle, it is not because God doesn’t love us.

When we struggle, it is not because we are inferior.

When we struggle, it is to reveal our undeniable need for God and for Him to showcase His omnipotence.

I struggled with financial matters throughout my entire college career.

Yet somehow, I graduated.

Hannah struggled with her infertility.

Yet, somehow, she gave birth to six children.

Jesus is in the easy, the sterling silver spoons and the red velvet bows.

And He also is in the hard, the graffiti’d brick walls and padlocked doors.

Experiencing the reality of God and how He transforms difficulties into delights is what makes the struggle worth it.

Easy is beautiful.

Struggle is not.

But the aftermath is always gorgeous.



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