Pat and I went to watch The Lobster (warning: NOT a Christian movie). The premise is interesting – everyone is society is required to be paired up. Any “loners” have to go to this hotel and they have 45 days to find a mate. If they don’t find a mate, they are turned into an animal of their choice (if they don’t run into the woods to join a renegade army of “loners” first).
Sounds crazy, right? But I think the plot taps into something deep in our psyche right now – the fear that if you are not in a couple, you are somehow strange and a threat to society at large. Society is only for couples. You must be matched up – or face being forced into the metaphorical woods.
But here’s where I think it gets positive – in prior years, the loners never would have had an army in the woods. Loners would be just that – alone – and sad, with obvious reasons for singleness. Now they’re an army training for battle.
As the population of singles continues to grow, there’s a strength in numbers. While we can feel judgment for being single, the reality is that there are now more people single than married. Singles are not truly single because we are part of communities. We don’t have to play third wheel – we’ve got our own car.
I have been blessed in my life to have a close friend who has walked the single life with me. God put the two of us together so that we could be an encouragement to one another – a cord of three strands (the two of us with God in the middle) is not easily broken. When I have felt down about being single, she has been there to comfort me – because she has been in that place too. And I can do the same for her.
Studies have shown repeatedly that the secret to a long and happy life is the quality of our relationships. For most, this is going to be a satisfying, longterm marriage relationship. But it doesn’t have to be only that. As singles, as we wait on the Lord to bring us a mate (or not), the important thing is to find our own community.
I was lucky to have met my two best friends my freshman year of college and we all still live in the same city. As we get older, though, it seems to get more difficult to find and make friends. Church small groups are a natural way to get involved in community. But other ideas include Meetup groups (based on mutual interests), gym classes, and civic groups (such as the Rotary, Kiwanis, the Lions Club, etc). I encourage you to step outside of your comfort zone and check out some of your local groups!
How have you been able to find community as a single person?