He let the word drag out of his mouth so it could collect every crumb of confusion and curiosity before he finally asked,
“You’ve never been in a relationship?”
I was 29 at the time and it was a first date. I remember shaking my head no while nervously sipping on my glass of water.
There was no second date.
This question is easier to deal with at 18. At that age, most of us are inexperienced in both love and life. But after, say 25, the Never Had A Boyfriend chorus begins to descend from a full-bodied mass choir to a few soloists left holding the microphones. And the mic feels heavier approaching and beyond 30.
As my inexperience with men became known, I received varying levels of reaction. Incredulity at the unicorn spotting of an adult woman who has never seriously dated. Admiration at my presumed spiritual zenith since romantic temptations and desires were apparently nonexistent. Suspicion for there was surely a hidden abnormality or flaw that hadn’t surfaced yet to account for the lack of suitors. When I began to try online dating, my absent relationship history perplexed men, and I wondered if they saw me as a project they didn’t want to take on.
The reactions of others ate at my faith and fed my fear. Especially since I had no answer for the inevitable follow-up question: Why?
To be single past a certain age hurt enough. But to be thoroughly single and never have experienced romantic love made me ache with embarrassment.
Until I realized that God’s plans for my life aren’t contingent on experience or what others say.
“The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that.” Proverbs 29:26 (MSG)
Shortly after the first date I mentioned in the beginning, I finally met my first boyfriend. He ended up becoming my husband.
If this is your story, I urge you to rest in this simplicity: There is nothing wrong with you.
God alone is ordering your steps and it is He alone who has the final say.
Hi, there! My name is Jennifer. I’m 31 and live in the D.C. area. I love Jesus, R & B music, and sugar in all its forms. In June 2016, I married my amazing husband, Calvin. I was completely single and waiting throughout my entire twenties. So I know the prayers, fears, and tears that come with prolonged singleness very well. I am excited to share my story and encourage single women who are waiting for God’s best!