Amnesia

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Dismissal never feels good.

A few years ago during a chat with a friend of mine, I had expressed a deep concern about a heart matter, to which she responded with a dismissive chuckle.

“You’ll be all right,” she said. “It’s nothing.”

I had shrugged off the slight, knowing that the hurt was unintentional. But it hurt all the same.

Over the past few years, she and I had shared countless conversations about dating, love, and solid relationships. We encouraged, laughed, lamented, and prayed together.

But then, she fell in love, got married, and seemingly memory became a memory.

Amnesia can be a heady drink.

It is intoxicating to soak in present pleasure when you were used to being in pain. It’s exhilarating to bask in current peace when you were formerly worried. And it’s downright thrilling to bathe in joy when you had so many dark days.

And then life before the turning point becomes alien. Struggle is no longer something we can or want to relate to. And we can become estranged from those who are not yet where we are.

But that shouldn’t be.

“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” (2 Corinthians 1:4 NLT)

As believers in Christ, we are to support each other through the layers of this life. When we remember our struggles from yesterday, we connect to each other and allow God to use our prior pain for His glory and for the good of another.

There is purpose in recalling the past.

Have you had trouble relating to your married friends, or vice versa?

Photo credit to Death to the Stock Photo.

________________________________________________________

Jennifer Jennifer Richardson

Hi, there! My name is Jennifer. I’m 31 and live in the D.C. area. I love Jesus, R & B music, and sugar in all its forms:-)In June 2016, I married my amazing husband, Calvin. I was completely single and waiting throughout my entire twenties. So I know the prayers, fears, and tears that come with prolonged singleness very well. I am excited to share my story and encourage single women who are waiting for God’s best!

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4 thoughts on “Amnesia

  1. That must have been a heartbreaking moment. So far my married friends have been understanding. I think that comes with mutual understanding that each state in life has its difficulties. They’re struggling with marital issues and parenting, while I struggle with the issues that single life brings. Neither of us has it perfect.

  2. Unfortunately being misunderstood is a daily bread in my life. Almost all my married friends seem to think right now that singleness is a moment in life when you can do anything when you want and have complete flexibility (which is nuts – if you’ve got a job and a “life” you’ve got responsibilities, it’s that simple, right? and with 3 cats I just cant up and go for a week vacation) without heartache that comes with it.
    I wrote a letter to my married friend who has seen a lot of my tears and breaking points. For once I wanted to show her the good things in my life so I depicted them, leaving out all the heartache that seems to choke me sometimes. I received a reply that I wanted to tear to pieces. “It’s the most honest letter you wrote me.” Seriously? So my heartache wasn’t honest? I felt deeply hurt that only the good in my life seems real to her. I know it’s not deliberate, bu t it still hurts.

  3. Hi, Ania!

    Thanks for your reply. I definitely understand how you feel. Single or married, a full life is a full life. Neither status is free from the rigidity that responsibilities and obligations bring.

    And I’m so sorry for your hurt :-(. Sometimes, friends who’ve been married can forget how it feels to live day to day in singleness. But that doesn’t make your feelings any less valid or real. Perhaps you can have a conversation with her, acknowledging how you feel. It may bring your friendship to a deeper level.

    • I’m really surprised we understood each other good for years despite vast differences. Right now we have completely different experiences (she was in a relationship for a time around 22yo, then broke it off and needed some “single” time – but it was her choice, and then met, dated, married and had a child, whereas I’m single ever since I can remember; her period of singleness was was voluntary and ending with a surprise relationship – mine is not). I think something broke when I expressed my concern at her and her fiance’s differences in faith and it probably went worse from that. Still, the main point here is – she has no experience of “not being wanted your whole life” so there is no “forgetting” involved 😉

      That is the problem, sometimes, I think, that people have a mindset like “if you just want it or do a certain thing it will come to you, whats your problem?” They just don’t understand that some people just don’t get the chance of working on relationship. That singles are just too picky (some of us certainly are) or selfish (everyone is, not just singles) or too independent (we need to be in order to function).

      But I was thinking on clarifying some things for her. I think I just needed some push to do it, thanks. I don’t know if it will deepen our bond or brake it (I guess only Lord knows what might happen here) but we’ll at least be totally honest.

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