Hi MRP! I have been dating a guy for about three months. There are so many positive points about him! He goes to my church, he’s kind, he has a ton of friends and is close to his family, and he has a good job. But I’m just not attracted to him! I know looks aren’t the most important thing, so that’s why I’ve kept dating him for three months now. At what point do you just call it quits, though??
MRP: It’s completely normal to be affected by physical appearance. After all, sight is one of our God-given tools to help us make decisions. For example, that’s why we’re drawn to the fresh brightly colored fruit in the produce section and back away from moldy bread in the bakery. And while you’re affected by this guy’s looks, I can see that you don’t want it to be too huge of an influence. It is very wise that you’ve placed higher priority on the heart factor than on the hunk factor. Proverbs 31:30 (NIV) says “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Physical beauty can fade with time, trauma, and tragedy while godly character and faith are lasting.
How severe is your lack of physical attraction? Is it completely nonexistent or do you see a small spark brewing? I believe physical attraction is a lot like a flower; it can grow. However, there must be a seed of something there in the first place. I would encourage you to pray and ask the Lord for direction and guidance. As you spend time with the guy you’re dating, go beyond the surface and see what lies beneath. Have talks and activities that can reveal his goodness, values, and passions. The fruit of these conversations may help you decide.