Ask MRP!

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Hi MRP!

I’m 26 year old lady, I recently broke up with my 3 months boyfriend, reason being that; He came to me told me he doesn’t love me as he think he should have, and furthermore he said he don’t see our relationship going forward so we separated.

It’s hurts, coz he was a good guy a full time Christian who loves God, and right now I feel like I’ll never find one like him, I belive n have faith in God, but emotionally I’m devastated, sometimes it get hard so much that I call him not to ask him to get back to me but just talk, though deep inside me I wish he could just call and say whatever he said it’s not true.

Now I’ve just registered to online singles just trying to close the gap n forget about him!!!

Any advice for me!???

please help

God Bless you, Miss L

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I’m so sorry you’re going through this heartache. A break-up is such a painful and emotionally exhausting experience.  And unfortunately, there is no shortcut to get through it. So while an online dating site is a great choice, I don’t think you should join one just yet.

Give yourself permission and time to grieve the end of this relationship first.  It’s OK to cry. It’s OK that you feel hurt.  Surrendering your heart, the most valued piece of yourself, to someone else is a beautiful and big deal. So big a deal that after a heartbreak, emotional convalescence is necessary if complete healing is to take place.

Complete healing may mean letting distance and space exist between you and your former boyfriend. Continual contact with him can only exacerbate your heartache, reminding you of what was and what is no longer.

Take time to pray and rest in the comfort that God sees your pain and He’s with you in it.  “God is close to the brokenhearted and He rescues those whose spirits are crushed” (Psalm 34:18).

This break-up may feel especially raw since your former boyfriend sounds like a great find, the one who got away.  But as great as he may be, great God-fearing men are not extinct. J  Proverbs 16:9 says, “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.” God is the Author of your entire life and that includes your love story.  The one who is for you will surely not get away.

Once you feel that you’ve gotten over this relationship, online dating awaits your profile!

I pray that this helps. May the Lord grant you peace, healing, and comfort as only He can give.

-Jen

MRP readers, any additional thoughts, encouragement, or advice for Miss L?  If you have a question you want answered, please email modernruthproject@gmail.com!

Ask MRP!

ask-mrp

Hi MRP! 

I need your advice!

At work there is a guy who I think might like me. He sometimes smiles at me and has said hi to me in the office. However, because I am really shy I have not initiated anything, it terms of a conversation. He works in a department from me, but I have noticed him in the canteen. My main concerns are that I don’t know if he is Christian, and he looks really young, like he might be in his twenties. I am in my late 30’s.

Also I am scared of making a fool of myself; as in the past I thought guys have liked me and been completely wrong. So I am holding back in the present situation; my shyness maybe interpreted as me being unfriendly when that is not the case. 

Please help!

God bless, E

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Hi, E! Thanks for your question!

As a fellow shy butterfly, let me say that I completely understand your reticence. It was Hard with a bolded capital H to break free from my bashfulness. It still is at times. And that makes what I am about to suggest to you a little surprising:

Talk to him.

A dating book I once read had a challenge where I needed to talk to five men I didn’t know a week. Five! It was daunting and the most I made it to was one and a half :-). But the point was to begin to feel comfortable talking to someone, regardless of circumstances.

There’s a chance that he may just be a friendly coworker. And there’s an equal chance that he does have romantic interest in you. The only way to discover the truth is to have a conversation. I know you are fearful of misinterpretation and winding up with egg on your face. But it doesn’t have to be something overtly flirtatious or romantic, especially since you work together. It can be something very mundane and ordinary. Like if you’re in the canteen, “Hey, do you know if they have any [insert favorite beverage or snack] left?” Or something work-related, “What do you think about the new [insert office machine]?” Sometimes, enough small talk pieces can build a springboard to lengthier chats.

If he does turn out to be younger than you expected and if romantic interest is clear, I don’t think that should be an immediate deal-breaker. He may be mature beyond his twenty-something years. Or it could turn out that he is a very young-looking 37!

And now for his faith in Christ. It may seem upside down to place this at the end of my answer. But I think the bigger issue at play is interaction.

In Luke 5, when Jesus dined at the home of a tax collector and with other societal outcasts, the Pharisees were aghast. One commentary says they would have stayed outside of the house since eating with sinners was contaminating in their view. But God Himself remained in the thick of this relationship building meal. He ate, laughed, and spoke to those who were worlds away from the religious aristocracy.

The answer to whether or not he’s a Christian should absolutely determine any further romantic development. But it should not sever further conversation. If he is not a Christian, continue to talk to him and interact with him in a friendly manner. You may be the way he is introduced to Christ.

I pray that this helps you in your decision. May God guide you and give you strength, peace, and reassurance.

Ask MRP!

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We’re starting a new series here called Ask MRP, which will be led by Jen!  If you have questions you want answered, feel free to email us at modernruthproject@gmail.com!  We’ll respond to one a month!

 

Hi MRP!  I have been dating a guy for about three months.  There are so many positive points about him!  He goes to my church, he’s kind, he has a ton of friends and is close to his family, and he has a good job.  But I’m just not attracted to him!  I know looks aren’t the most important thing, so that’s why I’ve kept dating him for three months now.  At what point do you just call it quits, though??

MRP: It’s completely normal to be affected by physical appearance. After all, sight is one of our God-given tools to help us make decisions. For example, that’s why we’re drawn to the fresh brightly colored fruit in the produce section and back away from moldy bread in the bakery. And while you’re affected by this guy’s looks, I can see that you don’t want it to be too huge of an influence. It is very wise that you’ve placed higher priority on the heart factor than on the hunk factor. Proverbs 31:30 (NIV) says “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Physical beauty can fade with time, trauma, and tragedy while godly character and faith are lasting.

How severe is your lack of physical attraction? Is it completely nonexistent or do you see a small spark brewing? I believe physical attraction is a lot like a flower; it can grow. However, there must be a seed of something there in the first place. I would encourage you to pray and ask the Lord for direction and guidance. As you spend time with the guy you’re dating, go beyond the surface and see what lies beneath. Have talks and activities that can reveal his goodness, values, and passions. The fruit of these conversations may help you decide.

What do you think?  Do you agree?  What advice would you give the questioner?