March/April: I Am Most Wanted

giphy (2).gifSo the whispers were true.

The fifth grade boys had allegedly ranked all the girls and listed each girl’s score on a sheet of composition paper. As is the way of 10-year-olds, secrets are never kept and soon, the list’s existence became the talk of the playground.  I giggled about it with my friends but I never let on about my deep concern. Was I pretty enough to be on the list? What was my score?

One afternoon, I found myself next to the spokesboy of this ranking committee. He hunched over the list while giving me side eyes of mischief and glee. It was then I decided that it was now or never. I snatched the list and won the precipitating vigorous tug of war. I skimmed the rudimentary chart to find my name and my score.  And there it was, in gray penciled certitude. My score was a 2.

I crushed the paper as hard I could, squashing into a ball. The subsequent outcry of my male classmates fell on my deaf and hurt ears.  The list was destroyed and so was my hope that I was wanted.

Feeling unwanted hurts, especially in seasons of singleness. It can feel like an incurable disease, endless, painful, and lonely. That’s why it’s wonderful to remember the truth of the matter. You are wanted. You are needed. You are sought after. Most of all, you are desired.

In Luke 15:4-6, Jesus says,

“If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it? And when he has found it, he will joyfully carry it home on his shoulders. When he arrives, he will call together his friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’”

In fact, it takes the entire chapter of Luke 15 to explain how the Father seeks after His loved ones, us. You don’t look for something that’s worthless. A dropped penny means nothing to me. But a missing $100 bill will cause me to retrace steps, look under rocks, and turn my home upside down. That is how much Jesus wants you.

This March and April, remember, rediscover, and recognize that you are most wanted.

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Speak Beauty

eyes-2564517_1920I walked past her at least 5 times. I was trying to catch a glimpse of each limb, each fingernail, each eyelash, each….wait….is that cellulite? I knew it! She has cellulite on her eyelids. I only have cellulite on my thighs like a normal woman. Why would he choose her over me? My cellulite is prettier and a lot less awkwardly placed.

Sounds ridiculous, right?

But before you judge me, remember how familiar it sounds. The last time you were rejected, passed over, made to feel like an option when you used to be a priority. We’ve all done it before. We somehow catch a glimpse of the new girl that we claim took our place and try with all our might to find cellulite in the girl’s eyelids. Her. Eye. Lids.

I know I’m not the only one.

But why do we do this to ourselves? To other women? Why do we elect to see flaws when God has demanded that we see beauty?

And even if that poor girl has cellulite in her eyelids, that’s not the reason we’re not together. There is something he sees in her that God is purposefully hiding in me. And He’s waiting for just the right time to reveal it to whom He sees fit. 

That man’s rejection is not a barometer of my beauty or a weight of my worth. Nor is comparing myself to her a balm for my broken heart, but a seed of bitterness that will destroy the beauty God so carefully mended into each cell of your being before you were even thought of.

How rude. You dismantle something the Creator of the universe molded with his bare hands, flaw after perceived flaw, so that you can find cellulite in other women’s eyelids.

That’s like finger painting over the Mona Lisa or setting fire to the great basilicas of Rome. If you did that, you’d be arrested and probably put to death by firing squad. And those were only made by men. But somehow since it seems as if our criticisms of God’s own handiwork go unnoticed, we feel our tearing apart the work of God’s finger is without consequence.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather face the firing squad than to come face to face with the Master Artist whose work you’ve secretly torn apart out of envy and insecurity.

Want to avoid that fate? I’ve got an idea. Next time the sky is clear, go out and take a look at the stars. Observe how carefully He placed each one and set them in the sky as evidence of His handiwork. 

And despite how beautiful that night canvas can be, it cannot compare to the ones He’s made in His image. Just like there is beauty in each star, there is far more in each of us. Infinitely more.

Choose to see that next time the enemy prompts you to compare. Speak beauty over each flaw, both in yourself and in her. Even the cellulite in her eyelids.


roz Roz

Hey there!  My name is Roz.  I’m a full time working, single, homeschooling mother to the world’s funniest 5 year old on the planet.  I’m an introvert who is obsessed with bacon.  I like to play music extremely loudly in my car and will keep singing at full voice even when you turn to stare.  I also blog occasionally over at mamamannalife.com where I write words about Jesus, homeschooling, and the beauty of imperfections.  I look forward to sharing my imperfections with you, as well.