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Dear MRP,

Last month, I was introduced to this guy by a friend of mine. We hit off (or so I thought) and began talking every other day. But then, a week ago, he pulled back and hasn’t been in contact, despite my attempts. I’m not sure what I did but it left me feeling kind of hurt and confused. It was only a short ‘conversationship’ and logically, I know I should just let it go but it still bothers me. How do I get over this?

—Hurt & Confused


Dear Hurt & Confused,

I’m sorry you’re going through this. False starts and fizzled burgeoning relationships are never fun. They end for variety of reasons, sometimes, very mysteriously like your situation. But I don’t think you should feel wrong about being affected by it.

I think you have a case of what I call ‘disbelief whiplash’. The promise of a successful relationship begins to rotate your view but a sudden enigmatic reversal snaps it back. If you had your hopes, that’s natural. And as a result, it’s also natural to feel let down when it ends. Also, it may not be because of anything you did. There could be a myriad of reasons for this guy’s disappearing act. Don’t collect guilt when it doesn’t have your name written on it.

Lastly, remember that God allows things to end for a reason. The electricity of a new relationship may divinely melt into a fizzle before it even takes off. And that’s for the best.

I pray that you continue to trust God in this and seek His best for you.

-Jen @ MRP


Have a question for Ask MRP? Send it to modernruthproject@gmail.com.

Ask MRP!

ask-mrp

Dear MRP,

I had been dating this great guy for two months when he decided he no longer wanted to see me. He said I was nice but a little “too much” for him. When I asked him what he meant, he said, “You’re a little loud.” I was surprised and disappointed. I don’t remember shouting or raising my voice at anyone whenever we were together. But I do tend to be outgoing and love chatting with new people. But I’m thinking I should tone it down in order to keep him. What should I do?

—Too Much


Dear Too Much,

It can be troubling when your personality is described in negative terms, especially by a romantic interest. Cosmetics and hair products can easily refurbish appearance. But personality is the engine inside the fresh coat of paint.  It’s what powers you, it’s who you are.

And I want to assure you that there is nothing wrong with who you are. Sanguine conversational people like you are literally the life of the party. They spark conversations, form and strengthen bonds, and lighten the mood of every arena they enter.

With that being said, I don’t think you should dilute your personality in order to win him back. Suppressing your disposition, how God made you, won’t last for long and may leave you both unhappy.

For example, there’s this toy called the Shape Ball.

The ball has openings in the shapes of a triangle, square, circle, star, pentagon, etc. The goal is to match the shape of the opening with the shape of the piece and drop it inside the ball. I’d watch my baby cousins play with it. And being babies, they couldn’t get the hang of it. They didn’t understand that the circle couldn’t be placed inside the star opening. The circle with its smooth curves and the sharp angled star slot weren’t the same. After a couple of minutes of trying and dotting the air with squeals of frustration, they would pound the circle into the opening until it eventually dropped inside the ball. But it’s not supposed to be there.

Just like that toy, you can try to force a connection, pretend to fit with someone who doesn’t quite match you. So you bang the bond into looking like it works but it doesn’t. And now you’re with the circle when you were meant to be with the star.

Your personalities are different and that’s OK. Don’t change yourself to make it work because God has a better fit for you.

I hope this blesses you. Praying for you as you embrace your personality and wait for God’s best.

-Jen @ MRP


Have a question for Ask MRP? Send it to modernruthproject@gmail.com.