Un

girl

I contracted the un disease when I was about 8 years old.

Accompanied by her mother, my best friend Keisha and I went to see a movie on a cold January afternoon. The movie was, in my very urbane and elementary school aged opinion, totally stupid and I remember not really wanting to see it. But it was Keisha’s birthday. So what the birthday girl wants, the best friend does to make her happy.

Afterwards, while leaving the movie, someone approached Keisha’s mother, gushing over how gorgeous Keisha was.

I could have easily been her daughter, too. But the praise didn’t go to me. It went to her.

The encounter was brief but I remember watching them interact while I thought to myself, “Why didn’t he say I was pretty, too?” The slight made me crawl within myself and feel less.

That was the day that I met un and carried it home in my lap. Un buried itself in my skin and spread like a virus.

Unpretty.

Unimportant.

Unworthy.

Every trait I had, every compliment I heard was immediately contaminated. But one (of many things) that I love about Jesus is He is unafraid of the diseased. He heals us with the truth.

What others see as nonexistent, He knows and celebrates it as wonderful. What man thinks is meaningless, He knows and declares it as powerful. And who the world sees as worthless, He knows and deems priceless.

You are unbeautiful. You are unimportant. You are unworthy. God handpicks those of us infected with un and takes it away.

“My dear friends, remember what you were when God chose you. The people of this world didn’t think that many of you were wise. Only a few of you were in places of power, and not many of you came from important families. But God chose the foolish things of this world to put the wise to shame. He chose the weak things of this world to put the powerful to shame. What the world thinks is worthless, useless, and nothing at all is what God has used to destroy what the world considers important.”

-1 Corinthians 1:27-28 (CEV)

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Jennifer Jen

Hi, there! My name is Jennifer. I’m 32 and live in the D.C. area. I love Jesus, R & B music, and sugar in all its forms :-). In June 2016, I married my amazing husband, Calvin. I was completely single and waiting throughout my entire twenties. So I know the prayers, fears, and tears that come with prolonged singleness very well. I am excited to share my story and encourage single women who are waiting for God’s best!

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Proverbs 23

heart

Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the Lord. There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off. – Proverbs 23:17-18

When I looked through my Facebook feed at all the pretty pictures of everyone else’s relationship successes, I didn’t just feel envy.  I judged.  This girl who just got married – I know she was living in sin with her husband for years before the marriage!  Why does that girl get all the cute kids – she doesn’t even go to church!

In contrast, I could look around me and see a dozen beautiful, smart, funny, kind, and wonderful Christian women who were still single into their 40s, still waiting on the Lord.  They were doing what was right, holding strong to their beliefs and instead of being rewarded, they were being punished!  It just didn’t seem right.

To be honest, I felt like being a Christian put me at a distinct disadvantage.  First of all, I knew that I needed to look for a husband who shared my faith – that right there seemed to drastically limit the pool of available men.  Second, I wanted to find a man who not just shared my beliefs in word, but also in action.  I’ll just ask you – how many single Christian men do you see active in your church?  You got it.

Third, in a hookup culture where people talked about having sex not just on the first date, but on no date at all (!), I felt distinctly out of step, old-fashioned, and frankly like a frumpy fuddy-dud to still be a virgin in my 30s.  Everyone knows that men want a hot, confident lady who exudes sex appeal and puts out on the third date, right??

The more that I thought about it and analyzed the numbers objectively, the more it seemed that I was just not going to get married because I was following the Lord.

There is no pat solution to this.  The fact of the matter is that it IS harder to find a spouse as fewer people are believers.  Those single ladies I mentioned above?  Most of them are still single.

But our God is a God of impossibilities.  Throughout the Old Testament, when by human logic victory seemed impossible, God made it possible.  God has the power to make a way where it seems there is no way.

There is hope.  Because guess what?  I did find the man I was looking for.  Jennifer and Keri, other posters on this blog, did find a Christian husband as well.  The odds were against us just as much as anyone else, and yet God provided.

What is more, the Bible tells us that the Lord will bless us for the suffering that we endure for His sake.  I knew that every time that I made the right decisions to follow the Lord’s will even when it may have seemingly hurt my chances for marriage, God was applauding me.  He knew I was putting His will above my own.  I believe with all my heart that God will redeem those years of singleness and I believe the same for you.

No matter what, there is surely a future hope for you.

Proverbs 14

tunnel

Proverbs 14,30 : “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” NIV

As I’m approaching 30 (which is really scary that in less than a year my life would have spanned three decades), I can measure my life, and my single years, in decades. I started to do some inventory of my life. This included of course one of the most frustrating part of this season – lack of a ring on my finger. I must confess, I’m pretty contrary in my approach to this fact.

First, I would really (and I mean really really) like to be married. I have a problem with the fact I’m single and never dated and I have tons of insecurities about it. First and foremost – if nobody ever was interested in me in a romantic way then there is high probability that no one ever will. And that is depressing. “Whyever would you make me this way with this desire if me being this way is against fulfilling this desire?” I asked the Lord this question many times.

On the other hand, I feel really close to the Maker and His Son. I go to them with everything and I love to lay my tears at their laps. The combination of the two mindsets makes me a little weird, doesn’t it? 🙂 The first is surely based on envy in some part – you can see how it disrupts my relationship with the Lord.

Pinballing between my grief in being single, being constantly rejected and going to God with my sorrows I understood one day, that it is true – I MAY NEVER GET MARRIED. And you know what? It influenced my life in a profound way. Maybe there was really nothing to wait for. Maybe this was it – my single life may be all there is in the future.

Then came the decision – to live life fully now, without waiting for some grand event to start living. This meant revising my dreams and starting to realize them right now.

So I started writing and some other things. The thing is – our desire for marriage makes us discontented and envious of others that had what we long for. Also hateful towards the life we life now. As soon as I started to fight with that, my life regained colors.

Life is precious at any time. We were given life to live it. Love God, love other people to give them as much God’s love as we can. And to be happy as much as we can.

Don’t let your singleness be just a time of waiting and envy, that, as the Proverbs author reminds us. Let God help you find peace in the middle of your hard single reality – HE CAN. Then hold onto this peace, which will give you a chance to live this life to the fullest.

Join the conversation!  Can you empathize with the above or what struck you from Proverbs 14?

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anna Anna

Hello everyone! I am an almost 30yo single woman living in Europe. Professionally a civil engineer, off hours I live to write and sleep 😉 . After struggling a lot with my singleness I try to live the fullest live that God gives me. Medieval reenactment is also a part of my life so I consider my life filled by the Lord to the brim.

Proverbs 12

daydream

“Thieves are jealous of each other’s loot, but the godly are well rooted and bear their own fruit.” – Proverbs 12:12

I have a confession to make.  I am a daydreamer.  At any given point in the day, I might be walking the sandy beaches of Hawaii, eating bacon, riding a unicorn, taking a glorious nap, or even meeting my future husband – but only in my mind.  I’ve tried and tried to keep my mind from wandering, but in the days of “Adulting is Overrated,” it can be a welcome alternative.

Well, if you’re anything like me then I’m going to give the two of us a serious wake up call.  Kind of like Daydreams Gone Wrong.  Because there’s nothing wrong with dreaming.  In fact, I truly believe a God who gets excited about dreamers, and relishes the idea of giving us what we dream of.  And honestly, he’s probably disappointed in how little all of us actively dream and pursue those dreams.

But the trouble comes when our fantastic daydreams are just excuses to covet what others have.  You know those couples whose life looks absolutely perfect on Instagram.  The wife is always slaying in fresh makeup and stilettos.  The husband is always doing manly things and helping around the house (with a beard, of course).  The kids look like they’re always listening and lending helping hands to their neighbors.

But outside of those snaps in time, that family isn’t perfect.  And are you willing to live your life vicariously?  Stealing moments, treasures, and people that belong to others?

In the (not so distant) past, I’ve certainly been guilty of pretending to have other people’s businesses, marriages, and basically anything I deemed successful.  However, taking those bits of joy from others creates a bitter root that can produce no good fruit.

But somehow little by little, God can make the lives of others less and less appealing.  Not in a bad way, but in a way that allows you to see that what he has for you is for you.  And it is way better than stealing the moments, treasures, and people he has for others.

So stop wasting time wishing you had what someone else has.  The grass is not always greener.  And maybe the grass is only greener because you’ve let things on your side of the fence wither and die trying to keep an eye on everyone else’s landscape.

So instead of outright or even subconscious neglect, make use of everything you find or that finds you – the pretty, the hideous, the mighty, and the seemingly dispensable.  And allow those things to take root and bear fruit.

Then don’t worry.  When the time is right, the right person will stop and take notice of every beautiful thing growing from your life, and might even be able to help you prune the not-so-beautiful without judgement.

Now, back to the bacon and unicorns in my mind 😉

Join the conversation!  Are you also a daydreamer or what struck you from Proverbs 12?

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roz Roz

Hey there!  My name is Roz.  I’m a full time working, single, homeschooling mother to the world’s funniest 5 year old on the planet.  I’m an introvert who is obsessed with bacon.  I like to play music extremely loudly in my car and will keep singing at full voice even when you turn to stare.  I also blog occasionally over at beautyfullyflawed.com where I write words about Jesus, homeschooling, and the beauty of imperfections.  I look forward to sharing my imperfections with you, as well.