I Want You to Want Me

I enjoy observing children while interacting with their parents. I observed that the girls would tend to be more clingy and chatty. The girls also have the natural propensity in admiring outfits, bags, accessories and make-up, etc. The various times I interacted with these little girls, their inquisitiveness delights me. It is no surprise that the girls would try to emulate what they have observed in dressing up like the adult and seek approval from friends and family around them to tell them that they look beautiful.

The girls constantly seek for approval while the boys would seek for the next activity or games to play or places to run around and explore. The contrast here is that the attention focus by the girls is more internal (and nurturing) while for the boys is more external (outburst of energy). The observation (of the girls) reminded me of the story of Adam and Eve after the fall in Genesis 3:16 when God said to her that “…your desire shall be for your husband…” I recall the times during my teenage years and in college when I would spend a lot of time and much of my pocket money to dress up in a certain manner to attract attention. Looking back (thanks to some of the pictures I still keep), I wondered what on earth was I thinking wearing some outfits I had chosen and the hairdos.

I’m of the view that the desire to be wanted is not a bad thing because it is part of our human nature and I can say in general that this desire may be stronger in women than in men. However, it is who we want acceptance from or wanted to be wanted is an issue that is worth reflecting.

Those high school and college years taught me that I could never please everyone and have my desire to be wanted fulfilled because even so, it was only temporary. There’s only so much I can do to ‘attract attention’ because there will be someone else who is ‘more attractive’, ‘commanding more attention’ that would make me feel ‘unwanted’.

Our desire to feel wanted will not disappear nor will it diminish. Just observe the trend of reality TV such as The Bachelor (22 seasons and counting!), and yes, I am not ashamed to admit that I enjoy watching the show. One common trait that I find in all of us is the longing for total acceptance, unconditional love, understanding, forgiveness, and undivided attention, despite our past, what we’ve done or what has been done to us.

I’d like to end with a statement made by a well-known apologist Dr. Ravi Zacharias that sums the mystery of our ‘longing hearts’ pretty well:

“There are at least four such longings (of the human heart). The hunger for truth, as lies proliferate. The hunger for love, as we see hate ruling the day. The hunger for justice, as we see injustice mocking the law. The hunger for forgiveness, when we ourselves fail and stumble. These four stirrings grip the soul. As I see it, there is only one place in the world where these four hungers converge. That is at the cross.”

With that, I firmly believe that as women, our longings to be desired could only be met in knowing how much God loves us and that He has always loved us. – in the person of Jesus Christ. Once we grasp this fact, the comprehension of His love surpasses our desire to solicit acceptance from other sources because our love tank has already been filled to the brim.

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 Timmie

Hello, my name is Timmie and I’m from Malaysia. I am a lawyer by profession. I am a charismatic, passionate person and enjoy beautiful things in life such as travelling to different cities to appreciate the culture. I love fashion and appreciate ‘coffee time’ with people to talk about life and build meaningful relationships. I’m passionate about the things of God, the Church and authentic leadership. My deepest desire is to embrace all that God has called me to be and be a blessing to whoever that God has placed in my life past, present and future. Our God is a GREAT God, and the best is yet to come !🙂

March/April: I Am Most Wanted

So the whispers were true.

The fifth grade boys had allegedly ranked all the girls and listed each girl’s score on a sheet of composition paper. As is the way of 10-year-olds, secrets are never kept and soon, the list’s existence became the talk of the playground.  I giggled about it with my friends but I never let on about my deep concern. Was I pretty enough to be on the list? What was my score?

One afternoon, I found myself next to the spokesboy of this ranking committee. He hunched over the list while giving me side eyes of mischief and glee. It was then I decided that it was now or never. I snatched the list and won the precipitating vigorous tug of war. I skimmed the rudimentary chart to find my name and my score.  And there it was, in gray penciled certitude. My score was a 2.

I crushed the paper as hard I could, squashing into a ball. The subsequent outcry of my male classmates fell on my deaf and hurt ears.  The list was destroyed and so was my hope that I was wanted.

Feeling unwanted hurts, especially in seasons of singleness. It can feel like an incurable disease, endless, painful, and lonely. That’s why it’s wonderful to remember the truth of the matter. You are wanted. You are needed. You are sought after. Most of all, you are desired.

In Luke 15:4-6, Jesus says,

“If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it? And when he has found it, he will joyfully carry it home on his shoulders. When he arrives, he will call together his friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’”

In fact, it takes the entire chapter of Luke 15 to explain how the Father seeks after His loved ones, us. You don’t look for something that’s worthless. A dropped penny means nothing to me. But a missing $100 bill will cause me to retrace steps, look under rocks, and turn my home upside down. That is how much Jesus wants you.

This March and April, remember, rediscover, and recognize that you are most wanted.

Speak Beauty

I walked past her at least 5 times. I was trying to catch a glimpse of each limb, each fingernail, each eyelash, each….wait….is that cellulite? I knew it! She has cellulite on her eyelids. I only have cellulite on my thighs like a normal woman. Why would he choose her over me? My cellulite is prettier and a lot less awkwardly placed.

Sounds ridiculous, right?

But before you judge me, remember how familiar it sounds. The last time you were rejected, passed over, made to feel like an option when you used to be a priority. We’ve all done it before. We somehow catch a glimpse of the new girl that we claim took our place and try with all our might to find cellulite in the girl’s eyelids. Her. Eye. Lids.

I know I’m not the only one.

But why do we do this to ourselves? To other women? Why do we elect to see flaws when God has demanded that we see beauty?

And even if that poor girl has cellulite in her eyelids, that’s not the reason we’re not together. There is something he sees in her that God is purposefully hiding in me. And He’s waiting for just the right time to reveal it to whom He sees fit. 

That man’s rejection is not a barometer of my beauty or a weight of my worth. Nor is comparing myself to her a balm for my broken heart, but a seed of bitterness that will destroy the beauty God so carefully mended into each cell of your being before you were even thought of.

How rude. You dismantle something the Creator of the universe molded with his bare hands, flaw after perceived flaw, so that you can find cellulite in other women’s eyelids.

That’s like finger painting over the Mona Lisa or setting fire to the great basilicas of Rome. If you did that, you’d be arrested and probably put to death by firing squad. And those were only made by men. But somehow since it seems as if our criticisms of God’s own handiwork go unnoticed, we feel our tearing apart the work of God’s finger is without consequence.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather face the firing squad than to come face to face with the Master Artist whose work you’ve secretly torn apart out of envy and insecurity.

Want to avoid that fate? I’ve got an idea. Next time the sky is clear, go out and take a look at the stars. Observe how carefully He placed each one and set them in the sky as evidence of His handiwork. 

And despite how beautiful that night canvas can be, it cannot compare to the ones He’s made in His image. Just like there is beauty in each star, there is far more in each of us. Infinitely more.

Choose to see that next time the enemy prompts you to compare. Speak beauty over each flaw, both in yourself and in her. Even the cellulite in her eyelids.

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 Roz

Hey there!  My name is Roz.  I’m a full time working, single, homeschooling mother to the world’s funniest 5 year old on the planet.  I’m an introvert who is obsessed with bacon.  I like to play music extremely loudly in my car and will keep singing at full voice even when you turn to stare.  I also blog occasionally over at mamamannalife.com where I write words about Jesus, homeschooling, and the beauty of imperfections.  I look forward to sharing my imperfections with you, as well.

MRP Interview: Nichola K. Brown

This year, the Modern Ruth Project will feature occasional interviews with specialists and professionals who are experienced in each month’s topic. This past week, I had the pleasure of talking with therapist, author, and founder of Keilah Restoration Ministries, Nichola K. Brown. Nichola specializes in empowering individuals and deeply desires to help women understand what it means to be loved by God.  

MRP: In your experience, what are some of the most significant mental challenges faced by women?

Nichola: Statistically, according to the National Institute of Mental Health, the most common mental disorder for adults [overall] is depression and anxiety.  And the church isn’t really equipped to deal with anxiety/depression, which starts in the brain. You can’t really tell people to pray. It needs to be taken more seriously.

MRP: In your opinion, where do insecurity and low self-image stem from?

Nichola: There can be so many factors. It can go all the way back to your family origin, your household, or school. For example, if a teacher didn’t think highly of you or you were bullied or if there was verbal abuse in the home. It varies from person to person and could be triggered by anything.

A woman goes through about 7,000 to 9,000 thoughts per day. So let’s say, you make a mistake. [Now] you have a whole story you created from that action. Whatever an external encounter was, we [mentally] create a narrative and elaborate story that’s not even true.

MRP: Can a negative view of oneself be easily overcome?

Nichola: Anything is possible through Christ. We are so resilient and God made us in such an amazing way. As easily as we learn, we can unlearn.  But it will take energy, effort, and intentionality. It’s not impossible but not easy.

MRP: How can women start to improve their self-image?

Nichola: You can listen to sermons. Put words of affirmation on your mirrors. Flood your minds with words that counter those negative thoughts. Focus on and memorize affirmation Scriptures.

Usually, people come to therapy when they’re in crisis. [But] I’m a huge advocate of everyone going to therapy once a year, just like a physical exam.

Proverbs 20:5 says “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.” Connect with someone who can really help you. You aren’t alone in this feeling. There are a community of people struggling with the same thing and there are counselors who are willing to work with you.

MRP: What’s one thing you’d say to a woman who is struggling with crippling self-esteem?

Nichola: I’d say “God loves you as you are.” He is not less pleased [with us] when we are in a place of brokenness for He sees us in such a different way. Sometimes, we push God away because we think we need to be in a healthier place. But that doesn’t make Him love us any less. God is still present in the despair.

The decisions I made were so different once I really understood that love is not based on perfection. And once you receive His love, you’ll understand why identity is so important in our faith. It’s the core foundation of everything you’ll build on.

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MRP thanks Nichola for sharing her wisdom with us! Nichola is also hosting a FREE webinar this Saturday, February 10th, “Loving Me: The Christian Women’s Guide to Self-Love.” Learn more about Nichola and her ministry at https://www.keilahrestoration.com. Also, check out her book, Sabbath Season: A Call to Rest on Amazon.

If you’re interested in seeking therapy, please visit https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists, http://www.christiancounselordirectory.com/FindATherapist, or https://www.therapyforblackgirls.com/ for a therapist near you.

MRP Thought for the Week

December Challenge Verse-Week 4

The Many Forms of Generosity

There are days I struggle with not being able to be generous in the ways I want. When most people think of generosity, giving financially comes to mind. At this point in my life, unfortunately, I’m not able to extend much generosity in that regard. However, I’ve realized that there are a plethora of ways in which each of us can be generous. I’m seeing that each one of my gifts and talents are a way that I can be generous. No matter where you are at financially, you have been given many gifts which you specifically can offer.

Your specific God-given talents are intended for generosity. I recently discovered that I love singing in front of people. I can’t wait to be generous with my voice, whether in the choir, at nursing homes, or wherever else doors open. Your gift could be anything: cooking, website designing, working with children, or the gift of intercession. If you don’t know how to be generous with your gift or where to offer it, ask the Holy Spirit to open doors. Believe me, they will open!

Your specific situation in life also offers different opportunities for generosity. As a student and a working person, spare time isn’t on the top of my list. However, I can be generous in offering a listening ear to my fellow students. I can be generous in the prayers I offer for the countless needs of others at this time. I can also learn to be more generous in offering a “sweet spirit” to all those to whom I come in contact with. Though you may not have a lot of time, your season in life offers some way that you can be generous.

Don’t lament your lack of finances and make it an excuse as to why you can’t be generous. Generosity comes in so many forms. At different times in our lives, we all have different blessings that we can be generous with. Ask the Lord how you can be generous with your specific gifts and in the season you are in. Each day, we are granted opportunities to be generous and to bear fruit. In this season of celebrating the One who came to give it all, let’s seek how we can be more generous in giving of ourselves.

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 Lianna

Hello! My name is Lianna. I am 28 years old and live in Cleveland, Ohio.  I am a Master’s student studying to become a counselor.  My favorite things are traveling, learning other languages, singing, and journeying with others. I blog and hope to inspire others at sunflowersojourn.wordpress.com.

December Challenge: Generosity

I have a confession to make: Christmas isn’t exactly my most favorite time of year.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love seeing glowing strands of colored light spiral streetlamps and draped around bushes. And sipping hot creamy drinks of sweet caffeine or chocolate from poinsettia red cups. Not to mention, listening to holiday music on the radio is a bonafide mood lifter.

But somewhere, in the past 10 years, my connotation of Christmas went from this lovely scene:

to these not so lovely scenes:

 

 

 

 

 

I’m sure my deteriorating holiday high has a lot to do with age. As an adult, the holiday I adored as a child became unfamiliar. I was suddenly mindful of prices and how much gifts cost and whether I should buy gifts for some people and none for others. Giving became disfigured. It had mutated from being euphoric to being exhausting.

But as I write this, I think about how much it cost God to give Jesus to His beloved but fallen world. He didn’t hesitate. He wasn’t too exhausted or overwhelmed to give Himself. And He didn’t give only to those He deemed worthy or meritorious. He gave His life and continues to offer the gift of new life to all. 

I think about that whenever I begin to feel weary this time of year. How the Lord gives so freely, richly, and without measure. And as His daughter, I should as well.

As we go into December and close out 2017, I challenge you to give to someone who can’t give back, an unlikely recipient. Maybe the next stop you get an Uber, thank the driver with a $5 gift card to Starbucks. Or give a thank you card to your waiter when you go out to eat. Call your local schools and ask to pay off overdue lunch accounts for kids.

We are all unlikely recipients of God’s love and grace. As we celebrate the birth of Jesus, let’s spread His love and grace generously this month and beyond.

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 Jen

Hi, there! My name is Jennifer. I’m 33 and live in the D.C. area. I love Jesus, R & B music, and sugar in all its forms :-).

In June 2016, I married my amazing husband, Calvin.

I was completely single and waiting throughout my entire twenties. So I know the prayers, fears, and tears that come with prolonged singleness very well.

I am excited to share my story and encourage single women who are waiting for God’s best!

 

Strength in Scripture

In the past 3 months, I have undergone too many life transitions to even list here. Certain situations in life felt hopeless.  I was unsure if they would ever change; there seemed to be no change to the patterns.

In the midst of my uncertainties and mind battles, the Lord is planting certain Scriptures on my heart. These Scriptures are giving me strength to press on. When I felt hopeless and as if those aspects of my life wouldn’t change, Psalm 118:17 sprang into my heart: “I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD.”

I began to recite the verse to myself often, especially when the difficulties reared their head. No matter how difficult life seemed, I will live through it. Even greater, I will live to testify to God’s great works! Someday, I will be able to tell how God’s mighty hand turned my circumstances around.

This is just one example of God’s Word being strength to me. There are other verses that have been given to me during other difficult situations. God’s Word is “alive and active.” (Hebrews 4:12)  The Word is becoming nourishment for my mind and heart in each circumstance of my life.

I am coming to a greater appreciation of Scripture, especially for life’s difficult situations. If we are rooted in Scripture, we can dig deep and find power in God’s Word when trials come.  It is working for our good and can provide whatever we need. But like any superfood, it can’t take effect unless we have taken it into our body!

At all times, we need to make Scripture reading a priority. In the times when life is great and we believe we’re super successful…To God be the glory! Praise and thank Him, and make sure you’re reading His love letters to you. When difficulties inevitably come, you’ll be able to dig deep into those times of reading Scripture. By God’s grace, you will have a store of spiritual “vitamin C” to keep you strong. Your remembrance and continued reading of Scripture will sustain you.

It’s easy to put off reading the Bible, or to only listen to it at church once a week. But it is strength to our lives. It is a big aspect of what roots us in the Lord. We keep our focus on Christ when we are reading the Word, in both good and bad times. When troubles come, we will find great strength in being rooted. The Word teaches us God’s goodness and faithfulness to us. Make learning and loving Scripture a priority. You won’t regret it.

What passage or verse has helped you in a time of difficulty?

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 Lianna

Hello! My name is Lianna. I am 28 years old and live in Cleveland, Ohio.  I am a Master’s student studying to become a counselor.  My favorite things are traveling, learning other languages, singing, and journeying with others. I blog and hope to inspire others at sunflowersojourn.wordpress.com.

Loving Being in the Word

Psalm 119:105 (NIV) “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light for my path.”

Let’s admit it – life is tough and full of uncertainties. It’s a natural tendency that we cling to something (or someone) when we face challenging situations or at crossroads.

Personally, reading the Bible has been a life-transforming experience for me.  From it, I gathered gems of wisdom from the writings of the different authors such as King Solomon the author of the book of Ecclesiastes. Lessons on human behavior, culture revolution and leadership from 1 and 2 Kings to the book of Revelation. From matters regarding finances, to relationships, it all can be found in the Bible.

Does that mean that the Bible is the magical quick fix answer to all our problems? The answer is no. In Psalm 119:105, imagine walking on a path in total darkness holding only a lamp. The light emitted from the lamp enables us to see just a few steps ahead, it doesn’t reveal the point of destination. One thing however is to ensure that the light is always near you to give you clarity on the surrounding nearest to you so that you may walk with confidence avoid potential danger. The principles and wisdom found in the Bible grant us ability to comprehend life, have patience in difficult situations and the grit to persevere.

If you are a Christian reading this and wonder how you can start reading the Bible, I’d encourage you to do the following:

• Start by determining the specific part of the day that you wish to set apart (the time) to do your reading. For example, it could be every morning after breakfast while finishing a cup of coffee (which is my routine) or for some people who prefer reading the Bible before bedtime. The key is discipline and consistency.

 

• If you are having difficulty to kick start your daily habit of reading the Bible, allow yourself time to get into the routine. You may want to start with the book of Proverbs from the Old Testament, reading it a chapter a day which takes about 10 to 15 minutes. Alternatively, if you want to start with a book from the New Testament; the book of St. John is a great book to read, also begin with a chapter a day.

 

• Some of you may have started a routine but find some books such as Leviticus, Deuteronomy and Numbers difficult to read – why not try an audio Bible? Not only that you could download the app for free, with the audio Bible you could listen to the scriptures being read to you whenever and wherever – be it while you are getting ready for work, commuting or winding down for the day.

From biology stand point, a plant can’t grow without water and soil or an individual needs proper nourishment to function efficiently.  The Word of God is the nourishment to our understanding of who God is. There is no short cut to that.

“Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.” Matthew 24:35 (NIV)

Do you struggle with being in the Bible routinely?

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 Timmie

Hello, my name is Timmie and I’m from Malaysia. I am a lawyer by profession. I am a charismatic, passionate person and enjoy beautiful things in life such as travelling to different cities to appreciate the culture. I love fashion and appreciate ‘coffee time’ with people to talk about life and build meaningful relationships. I’m passionate about the things of God, the Church and authentic leadership. My deepest desire is to embrace all that God has called me to be and be a blessing to whoever that God has placed in my life past, present and future. Our God is a GREAT God, and the best is yet to come !🙂