The Gift of Encouragement

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Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29

If you’ve experienced encouragement at the just the right time, you know the truth of the verse from above. A word of encouragement is truly a grace, giving strength to carry on. Sometimes a simple phrase is what will give somebody the courage to keep moving on. This spiritual gift, sometimes also called “exhortation,” is one that we have the opportunity to practice daily, and we may take for granted how powerful it can be.

From the time a child is young, they need encouragement. Words of encouragement are like building blocks for a child’s self-esteem. Even as adults, we still need to hear encouragement. Especially in times of discouragement, it is so important to offer affirmation to those in our lives. Even if someone appears to be doing well on the surface, you never know if they are ready to throw in the towel. A word of encouragement is like a spark that can set a fire blazing again, giving someone the force to carry on. In the book of James, chapter 3, the tongue is said to be a member that can set fires. I venture that, if used as intended, the tongue can set off sparks in a positive way and spread to others as well.

Your words have the power to build up others every day. Affirm your spouse. Talk to your children about the things they are doing well. At work, find ways to compliment your colleagues. It can be easy to take for granted those in our daily lives, but also remember that we are placed in each other’s lives for a reason. Don’t forget to be mindful of the opportunities that arise to encourage others.  I venture that encouragement can take other forms. For example, a friend buying you a cup of coffee when you’re having a tough day can be a source of encouragement. Lending your ear to listen to someone who is undergoing a hardship or simply needs to talk can also encourage them. Offering to pray for someone (and following through) can also be a huge dose of encouragement.

Try to be mindful about the opportunities to encourage others each day. Whether you are married and the parent of many, or a single person enmeshed in your career, opportunities abound. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you how you can encourage others. It is often simple words of encouragement that gives someone else the ability to carry on. Exhorting others can also strengthen their faith.  Take the time to build up others. You never know how it will affect them, now and forever.

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lianna-headshot Lianna

Hello! My name is Lianna. I am 28 years old and live in Cleveland, Ohio.  I am a Master’s student studying to become a counselor.  My favorite things are traveling, learning other languages, singing, and journeying with others. I blog and hope to inspire others at sunflowersojourn.wordpress.com.

Gossip Girl

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Talking had never really been my thing. As a child, whenever a teacher would call on me to speak, my mouth would rapidly coat with the tepid slime of fear. Maybe it was social anxiety or deep over analysis of my own thoughts but I was totally comfortable being silent. At 8 years old, I became a professional at keeping my tongue still.

But while my mouth was inactive, my ears weren’t. I learned the art of eavesdropping and soon discovered gossip. The adults in my family would collect around a crowded dining room table, a bright cozy kitchen, or sizzling barbecue grill to talk. About their spouses. Their children. Friends. Coworkers. Church folk. Other relatives. Celebrities.

When it became aware that I was in earshot, I was quickly shooed out the room. But the rich laughter and vociferous declarations were too full to be contained and always spilled into the other rooms. The conversational crumbs would tumble into my lap, sponge cake-like cubes soaked in innuendo and dusted in opinion. I’d stuff them in my mouth and scarf them down excitedly. Unlike being called upon in school, listening to juicy tidbits about people I knew loosened my tongue. I’d chew happily, surprised at how delicious they tasted and how much I wanted more.

The words of a whisperer (gossip) are like dainty morsels [to be greedily eaten]; They go down into the innermost chambers of the body [to be remembered and mused upon]. –Proverbs 18:8 (AMP)

Gossip is appetizing, there is no doubt about it. But there is equally no doubt about how damaging it is. It wrecks friendships (Proverbs 16:28), destroys trust (Proverbs 20:19), and creates an environment where love is M.I.A. and judgement reigns supreme (Psalm 69).

I wish I could say that that I’ve acquired a more mature palate or an appetite that always craves more graceful conversation. Unfortunately, I can’t yet but I have learned a few ways to keep away from the gossip platter.

  1. Walk away. Simply walk away. When a conversation among friends dives into gossipy terrain, remove yourself. Suddenly become really interested in the view from the window. Or if at a large gathering, get acquainted with people on the other side of the room.
  2. Say something positive. 99% of the time, the subject of a rumor mill is never present to defend or explain themselves. Their absence can give gossipers pretended power to tear down their reputation or even their worth. Saying an encouraging or optimistic word about the person can stop the flow of destructive words. It can remind everyone that gossip affects a real person, not a thing.
  3. Pray. When you feel tempted to gossip, pray. When you are in the midst of a gab session, pray. When someone’s name comes up in conversation, pray for them. And when someone comes to you with a load of gossip about an acquaintance, try saying, “Oh, that’s too bad. How about we pray for her right now?” There’s something about prayer that makes sin no longer as attractive after you’ve talked with God about it.
  4. Don’t talk. Do. Talk is cheap. It is emotionally and physically easy to run our mouths about someone else’s life, misfortunes, choices, and events. But that’s not what we are called to do. 1 John 3:18 says, “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” Instead of talking about the person, reach out to them. Inquire genuinely about their life and their situation and offer to do what you can. Then do it.

Like most unhealthy foods, gossip is good to the tongue but injurious to the body. And like all unhealthy habits, God can and will overcome it.

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Jennifer Jen

Hi, there! My name is Jennifer. I’m 32 and live in the D.C. area. I love Jesus, R & B music, and sugar in all its forms :-). In June 2016, I married my amazing husband, Calvin. I was completely single and waiting throughout my entire twenties. So I know the prayers, fears, and tears that come with prolonged singleness very well. I am excited to share my story and encourage single women who are waiting for God’s best!

August Challenge: Taming the Tongue!

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This isn’t my favorite, I’m not gonna lie.

All my life I have struggled with my tongue.  Saying the right thing.  Not saying the wrong thing.  Slipping up and saying the wrong thing anyway.  Half the time purposefully.

In my younger years, I was known for being sarcastic.  Didn’t really care if it was hurtful if I could get some laughs from others.  (Never mind if it was really because I felt insecure myself, putting others down to draw attention away from my own flaws.)

Then I became a Christian.  It was far from an overnight transition, but slowly my words became sweeter.  I would think about the impact on others before I spoke.  I realized that my sarcastic jokes actually hurt my friends and I stopped making them.

This change made a huge difference in my relationships.  In the past, thinking I was oh-so-hilarious, I would make the same sarcastic jokes with guys, and then wonder why they didn’t reciprocate my affections.  Wasn’t I hysterical?  Didn’t they get the joke?  Probably they did.  But they didn’t want to spend time around someone from whom every other word was harsh.

When I met my husband, I knew I needed a different strategy.  He is a sweet guy who, like anyone, appreciates kind words and encouragement, not jokes at his expense.  I try to be his biggest cheerleader and affirm him at every opportunity that I can (full disclosure: he still thinks I’m sarcastic, so I guess I have some ways to go).

Score one for relationships, but oh boy, work is a whole other matter.  I get angry and frustrated.  It rises up within me like a tidal wave and I find myself going from zero to sarcastic in less than 60 seconds.   I am right.  They are wrong.  How can they not see it?  Are they stupid?  Do they just want to make my life difficult?

See, taming the tongue is really an issue with its root in the sin of pride.  It is putting our feelings – our sense of justice or our desire to be seen as “funny,” our belief in our own rightness or our belief that our right to free speech matters more than someone else’s right to not be hurt – ahead of everything else.  We are so wrapped up in our emotions that we can’t see beyond them to someone else’s point of view.

To draw a contrast, Jesus did not get sarcastic.  He got angry, but in His anger, He did not let the sin of pride overwhelm Him.  He did not let emotions get the best of Him, or let his anger become a personal attack on others.  He was controlled and measured in His response, always remembering empathy and caring, even when He was persecuted.

I confess that I am not there.  But I want to be.